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Halloween Jokes and Horror Funnies

July 23, 2017

 

 
Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch...

How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any dloob...

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher...

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?
hee hee...

What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick...

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak...


What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady...

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques...

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster...

What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...

What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty...

What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses...

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...

How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...

Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea...

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween...

What do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...

Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...

What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11...

How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...

What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops...

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...

Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte...

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have two beers and a mop...

What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up...

Why can't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs...

 

These jokes are not my own. They were sent to me with permission to include them on my blog. I hope you enjoy them. Some of them are funny while some are just... well not funny lol

 

If you have some Halloween or Horror jokes that you'd like to include please to so. We would all love to see them :)

 

 

 


 

 

 

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